It’s safe to say that anyone who’s ever watched an episode of New Girl wished they could play True American with Jess, Schmidt, Nick and Winston. Well, we’ve got some good news. The rules have been found and the cast of the show has admitted to making most of them up as they filmed the scenes, so the game is bound to be questionable at best.
Also it’s been scientifically proven that besides befriending Kanye, teaching this game to your friends is the most efficient way to jump the social strata. Here’s how to play.
You don’t need teams to play, but they’re definitely fun if you want to put a competitive spin on things. To pick teams, count to five. On five, every player holds up a random number of fingers to their forehead. People with the same number of fingers up will be on the same team and unmatched players can match up as needed.
In the game, there are four zones set up and separated by a trail of pillows, cushions, tables, etc. You must use those objects to move from zone to zone because the floor is lava… obviously.
In the middle of the zones is the castle, made up of the king and his pawns. The king, a handle of hard alcohol of your choice, is in the middle of the castle. Stretching outward from the king’s court are four lines of beer cans, representing the pawns in the king’s guard. These four lines signify the boundaries between the zones.
Each of the four zones around the castle should have five objects (pillows, chairs, etc.) for players to stand on to escape the lava. One of the objects in each zone should be placed close to the castle, and in that zone, that object is the only one players can stand on to take a pawn. The rest of the objects in the zone should be set up farther away from the castle.
To start the game, all players shotgun a beer. The first player to finish yells “1, 2, 3, 4, JFK!” and the rest of the players yell, “FDR.” Every player then runs to grab a pawn and get to the nearest object to get off of the lava.
Everyone will move from object to object, from zone to zone in a clockwise direction. When it is your turn, you can move one space. When it is not your turn, you can earn a move in one of three ways:
- Count – similarly to how teams were chosen, players will count to five at the same time and on five everyone will hold a number of fingers to their forehead. Whoever is holding up a number that nobody else is can move one space.
- Something in common – a player will name two things, places, people, etc. and the first person to yell out what those two things have in common can move two spaces.
- Quote – at any time, someone can start to say a quote from history, a movie, pop culture, etc. The first person to cut in and finish the quote can move two spaces.
Players must always have a pawn (beer) in their hand and they may not carry more than three at a time. You have to be drinking them as you go.
When all of the pawns have been taken from the castle, the king is left alone. The first player to make it to a center space, finish all of their beer, and take a sip from the king is the winner!
If you are caught without a beer, you lose. To get back in the game you have to shotgun a beer and re-enter on the object farthest away from the castle. The same thing goes for stepping in the lava.
Drinking alcohol impairs you, so be mindful of your limits and drink responsibly and legally. Also, be mindful when setting up the game and don’t make obstacles that are likely to cause injuries and keep in mind that you will need to get from object to object while drinking.
So, if you’re even slightly proud to be an American (you better be) or love the show New Girl (which you should unless you hate laughing), next time you’re having a party and you realize that beer pong is lame, you know what to do. Play at your own risk and God bless America, friends.