Bad news for all the Yeezy fans out there: as of November 21, 2016, the highly anticipated final leg of Kanye West's Saint Pablo Tour has been cancelled.
It's been a bizarre couple of months for the Grammy-winning rapper: he's cancelled shows mid-song due to voice difficulties, attempted to hold surprise concerts with little success, and, most recently, endorsed Donald Trump while simultaneously calling out both Beyoncé and Jay-Z.
West has cancelled the last leg of his tour citing exhaustion, and it's not like you can really blame the guy. He's only human. But, that doesn't mean he hasn't left a wide network of fans disappointed–and with significantly shallower pockets.
I was one of the many fans who shelled out to see 'Ye when he was supposed to come to Boston in December. Lucky for me, I didn't pay an arm and a leg for my ticket. Others however, were not so lucky.
That got me thinking...how much food could I have bought for the price of a ticket that I didn't even end up using? And since Kanye always seems to be rapping about his love for food, I figured it was my civic duty to run the numbers.
All of the prices I used for these calculations were based off of original estimates given before the start of the Saint Pablo Tour. The lowest price given was $29 and the highest price was $199. So, all the food listed below will be equivalent to the average price of $114.
In addition to being a rap god, Kanye also gives fire workout advice, as evidence in his song "The New Workout Plan": "All you mocha lattes, you gotta do pilates."
A grande caffe mocha (with whip) from Starbucks costs $4.15. So, for the price of an average Saint Pablo ticket, you could buy approximately 27.5 caffe mochas. How's that for a caffeine boost?
Chicken Noodle Soup
In "Hey Mama", West shows his softer side when he sings about his mom's chicken noodle soup. The closest chicken noodle soup to the good ol' homemade kind has to come from Panera Bread.
So, if you're no broke bitch and spring for the chain's chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl, it'll cost you around $5.49 for this meal. Yeah, going to a Kanye concert is pretty cool, but with the almost 21 bread bowls of soup you could buy with that cash, you may never catch a cold again!
Nacho Cheese Doritos
For anyone who's wondering how Kanye is so rich, he only has one thing to say: "Don't worry why my wrist got so freeze. Tell a girl like Doritos, that's nacho cheese."
A nearly one pound bag of nacho cheese Doritos from Walmart costs $3.58. So, for a $114 Kanye ticket, you could buy almost 32 pounds of nacho cheese Doritos.
The yield you'd get from the ranch flavored chip would be a bit less because this variety is almost forty cents more expensive for the same amount. But, I personally wouldn't sweat it–ranch is irrelevant anyways (sorry, not sorry).
The only thing worth ordering when you find yourself in, as Kanye so elegantly put it, a "French ass restaurant" is a croissant. (Ok maybe not the only thing.) A croissant from my personal favorite coffee chain, Dunkin Donuts, costs a paltry $1.49.
At this price, a ticket for the Saint Pablo Tour is equivalent to almost 77 DD croissants. That's enough bread to help carb-o-load for a marathon...or two...or six.
KFC Fried Chicken
This meal is a homage to Kanye's life before fame and fortune as, "before anyone wanted K. West beats, [he] and [his] girl split the buffet at KFC." Okay, so I have two questions. One, when the hell did KFC ever have a buffet? And two, how many $5 fill up meals can you get for $114?
For $114, you could be the proud owner of exactly 22.8 $5 Fill Up meals. How about we make a deal? You guys can keep the chicken...and I'll keep the cookies and the biscuits.
The ice cream that spawned a thousand memes, it's been nine years since Kanye asked the immortal question, "what would you do for a Klondike?" First of all, let me say, bless Walmart for doing the extra math for me on this one (double language majors aren't great at math...).
The retailer sells Klondike bars in a pack of six for $3.50, or 58.3 cents each. For a $114 Kanye West ticket, you could buy a whopping 196 Klondike bars. Whatever you want to do for those Klondike bars, I'm not judging.
Filet O' Fish
Even though Kanye is in a beef wit Jay-Z at the moment, they still teamed up to ask the immortal question, "What she order? Fish filet." The most economical version of the fish filet in question is a Filet o' Fish sandwich from McDonald's.
For a standard Filet o' Fish sans fries and a drink, you'll have to cough up $3.79. Sure, that's a little pricey for McDonald's standards, but you'll be able to make a whole aquarium of these sandwiches for the price of a Kanye ticket. For $114, you can get 30 Filet o' Fishes.
At the end of the day, the fact that Kanye canceled the rest of his tour is still pretty disappointing. But, there's good news: food will never cancel on you. And when you get your refund, you'll be able to get enough snacks to help you get over Kanye's being so "Heartless."