As a college student and a writer (and a New Yorker, too), coffee is a huge part of my life. The only thing I hate about Starbucks is the line... until I researched the calories in some of my favorite drinks.
Now, I'm not saying that I expected something called a "Caramel Cocoa Cluster Frappuccino" to be healthy—just like you don't expect a cereal inspired by Oreos to be nutritious. But that still didn't prepare me for the button-bursting, skinny-jean-ripping truth.
Everyone should indulge once in a while (*cough* bring back the Oreo O's *cough cough*), but it might be of interest to know all the food you could be eating, instead of sucking liquid sugar through a green straw.
Iced Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino: 500 Calories
For 490 calories, you can order a Fit Fare Loaded Veggie Omelette at Denny's, which not only has fewer calories than a vanilla frap, but also has less than half the sugar. Maybe rethink your breakfast, yeah?
Double Chocolaty Chip Creme Frappuccino: 540 Calories
Not only can you get a Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad at McDonald's (I know, salads from McDonalds? Hear me out), but you can also have a fruit parfait and a cutie for a total of 535 calories. That's SO much more food.
White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino: 530 Calories
For the same number of calories, you can order a Grilled Chicken Cool Wrap and a Superfood Side Salad at Chick-fil-A. And you can feel good about yourself while you say "superfood" at the counter, channeling all that zen because hey, you're gonna nourish that bod.
Java Chip Frappuccino: 600 Calories
Oh, the infamous Java Chip. You can almost hear the squeak of the Ugg boots as some high school girl places her order. Instead, you can go to Red Lobster and order snow crab legs, broccoli, and steamed asparagus, which comes to about 580 calories. For. All. That. Food.
Gingerbread Frappuccino: 480 Calories
Instead of being tormented by tiny, evil, cookie-men, empower yourself with a Power Mediterranean Chicken Salad and some apple slices at Wendy's for about 485 calories. Escape to the tropics, you won't even miss the holidays.
Cupcake Creme Frappuccino: 500 Calories
Sure, a cupcake sounds great on your birthday... or maybe you could go to Dairy Queen and grab a Chicken BLT salad AND still have room for a small cone. Or maybe make something sweet at home, because birthdays are meant to be celebrated without worry, IMO.
Vanilla Bean Creme Frappuccino: 490 Calories
While vanilla is usually considered the more innocent option (in light of Chocolate Overload), it's really still not the best. Try a turkey sandwich at Subway, and you can still have a chocolate chip cookie. Have your cookie and eat it, too?
Caramel Brûlée Latte: 540 Calories
You know what you can get at Panda Express (of all places) for this many calories? String bean chicken, five-flavor shrimp, and mixed vegetables. Oh yeah, and fortune cookies? You can still have two of those. Your future is brighter here.
Mocha Frappuccino: 520 Calories
Sure, you may love your mocha frap, but do you also like, I don't know, pizza? You can have two slices of a medium, chicken-bacon parmesan pizza at Pizza Hut for those same calories. Did I mention bacon? Oh, I think I did, right.
Caramel Frappuccino: 510 Calories
Usually, Taco Bell implies 2 am drunken binges, but there's a lighter note to the devilish chiming of those bells. For less than 510 calories, you can have two Chicken Fresco tacos and Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes.
All the nutritional values were calculated as venti drinks with whole milk. To reduce your calories, perhaps ask for non-fat milk, or ask them to make your drink "skinny." Drink with discretion, loves.