Life is like a box of pizza slices..you never know what you're going to get. Or something like that.

Regardless of what campus you're on, you're bound to have at least one or two guy-related cringe-worthy stories by the time you graduate college. No one comes out unscathed. Here's a list (in no particular order) of the guys you may want to avoid but can't, or maybe the guys (read: mistakes) who will end up teaching you something. 

1. Meat Lovers

dough, sauce, mozzarella, salami, crust, pizza, pepperoni
Ryan Murphy

This guy is totally bro-obsessed. Don't count on him for bougie Saturday brunches or date nights - this guy's motto is "Saturdays are for the boys!" His priorities include: cold brewskis, shot-gunning, and his bros. If you're hung-up enough to stalk his Instagram, be ready to find Old Row, Yeti Butts, and/or Total Frat Move in his recent activity. 

2. Pineapple Pizza

bacon, chicken, cheese, pizza
Ryan Murphy

This guy - alone - has the capacity to be really sweet. It's when you get him with his friends, though, when everything goes down hill. Pineapple is delicious, pizza can be good, but the two are a match made in hell. Be warned, and don't get sucked in!

3. Pizza with anchovies/mushrooms/onions/any overtly smelly topping

crust, pizza
Libby Perold

Eating this pizza will leave a bad taste in your mouth...and so will dating this type of guy. He will talk over you, give you backhanded compliments, flirt with other girls in front of you... Honestly, this guy is just rude. You will leave the relationship shaking your head at why you ever thought he deserved you. Brush your teeth and be done with that nasty taste in your mouth!

4. Dessert Pizza

basil, cheese, pizza
Sasha Kran

He seems like a great idea at the time. He's quirky and fun, he likes to have a good time. With him, you'll feel less guilty for some of your more questionable decisions. This guy has good intentions, and he's always super sweet, but when the relationship is over you'll find yourself asking one question: "Why?"

5. Pizza with other little pizzas on top

This guy seems like the mecca. He's gorgeous, funny, outgoing, virtually perfect. The truth is, he's a massive frickboy, if you know what I'm saying. He's simply not loyal, and whatever you are to him, he is sure to have at least 3 others exactly like you. Harsh but true, don't over-indulge, and enjoy it while it lasts. You'll be regretting it later. 

6. A pizza with a glorified, bougie, salad on top

He'll sweep you off his feet with his Foodie lifestyle, taking you to all the new, hip restaurants. He'll even wake up early and go to the Farmer's Market, because he's all about "sourcing locally". He's sensitive and gentle, and the beginning of your relationship is nothing short of millennial bliss. Soon, though, you realize that if you wanted a salad, you'd get yourself a salad (not on a pizza), and eat it with a fork and not your hands. Maybe that wasn't a good analogy, but the point is, you'll get tired of his hippy-dippy crap. Get yourself a burger, girl, and relish the taste of factory processing.

7. Pizza with an entirely different food on top

He has a multi-dimensional, deep feeling about him that sucks you in, because he's not like other guys but different. It may take some time, but pretty soon you'll find out that he's pretty much just like every other guy you know, just packaged differently. It's not his fault, he's lost and trying to find out who he is. Next time, know that you can't always judge a book by it's cover (a pizza by it's topping?). 

8. Barbecue Chicken Pizza

You can blame the light hearted, clever bickering for hooking you, but now he's just confusing. Is he in or out? Salty or sweet?The tanginess was good at first, but now you're exhausted and you want something simple and easy, just this once. Please?

9. Bagel Bites/Tostito's/DiGiorno's

For better (and sometimes worse), this guy's available for you. Sometimes he's there and you wish he wasn't, sometimes he's a welcome visitor. He's dependable, and while maybe you wouldn't want a public display of affection between you two, he's a good fix when you need him. He might be a bit of a dingle, but he can be YOUR dingle, and that's what matters.  

10. Cheese or Margherita (if you're trying to make yourself feel better about it) Pizza

Just a simple, borderline boring guy who you want to hang out with for the summer, but only as a summer fling. He dresses like a dad but thinks he looks "classic". He may be fun to look at but boring to talk to. Unless you're into that. #nohate

Bottom line, pizza is pizza. Relax and enjoy your journey.