Once we’ve spent enough time in college, we like to think that we’re totally in control whenever we go drink at a party or at the bars. However, alcohol can be tricky. And Everclear, the near-poison vodka, is the trickiest alcohol there is.
This is probably the only time I’ll disagree with Ron Swanson, because Everclear is possibly the only wrong way to consume alcohol. It turns the best of us into hot messes and can basically ruin your life. Plus, you don’t really know anything about it. Let’s change that.
1. There is literally no alcohol in existence that’s more potent.
Everclear is 190-proof. Let me make that clear. It is 95% alcohol. By comparison, most rum and vodka clock in between 40% to 60%, or 80 to 120-proof. As of right now, Everclear is deemed the strongest alcohol on earth: chemistry doesn’t allow anything stronger than 191-proof to exist.
Some people basically consider it poison, but hey, a party is a party. Plus (as we’ll get to later), the government is so against it that a bunch of states have tried to ban it from sale.
2. It’s so pure, it doesn’t have room for the “bad stuff.”
All you have to worry about is the sugar in the juice or soda you mix your Everclear with (please, please, please mix it). So I guess that’s 1 point for E-Clear?
3. Some states have made it illegal.
It’s so bad that it’s literally illegal to buy the 190-proof in somewhere between 14 and 16 states (nobody seems to agree on the definite number). So that many state legislatures have got together and said, “This is not okay.” These states include California, Florida, Maine, Massachusetts, Hawaii, Iowa, Michigan, New York, Nevada, Ohio, Washington, North Carolina, New Hampshire, and Minnesota.
There are also some states, like Pennsylvania, where you can only buy Everclear if you can prove beforehand that you’re not going to drink it, but are going to use it for non-drinking purposes (like cleaning). Somehow, it manages to find its way into every state’s party anyway.
4. It’s featured in the Guinness Book of World Records.
I mean, it’s pretty impressive to be in the Guinness Book of World Records. You probably won’t be surprised why this booze made the cut.
It won the award for “Most Alcoholic Drink in the World.” So even though that might sound sort of exciting, take a second and picture how drunk you get on your much lower-proof rum.
5. Like most drinks, the calories are kind of crazy.
For one shot (or 1.5 fluid ounces), Everclear clocks in at an uncomfortable 285 calories. (Comparison point: most hard liquors clock in at around 96 calories per shot). To be fair, if you’re doing straight shots of Everclear, chances are you’re not so worried about calories as much as you’re trying to spiritually depart from the planet into the netherworld.
If you’re not doing straight shots (the only semi-smart way to approach this), keep in mind that your mixer has calories as well. Drinking on a diet is possible, but Everclear makes it tricky.
6. The makers of Everclear also sell a less potent version.
While also banned in some states, Everclear’s baby version is a 151-proof drink, or 75.5% alcohol. It seems less intimidating when you think of some Bacardi 151 you may have had. It’s also come under fire less in state legislature.
But don’t be fooled. Everclear will always mess you up.
7. It’s odorless.
Be wary of jungle juice. Although most people who’ve had Everclear can know it by taste, some might not catch it from mixed drink swigs. It doesn’t have the distinct gasoline smell of most horribly potent liquors, so you could drink quite a bit.
Then (see #1) the Everclear will catch up with you so fast you may as well have been drinking it all your life.
8. It’s made from modified corn.
This is more of an overlooked thing, but, don’t forget, drinking is basically like eating vegetables. Old, fermented vegetables.
And not only that, but they use GMOs, or genetically modified organisms. So your fermented corn has been altered for the drink. GMOs aren’t necessarily bad, but they’re not always the best thing.
9. The hangovers are different and worse.
This is an experience you can share with anyone who’s had an Everclear hangover. If you haven’t had one, you don’t understand and you cannot understand.
An Everclear hangover is not a pounding headache and a queasy stomach. An Everclear hangover is the feeling of looming misery and self-disgust (although, some weirdos claim it gives them no hangover at all. Maybe they don’t use any mixers.)
That, coupled with the knowledge that you’ll be drinking it again the next night.
10. Drinker Beware: It will trick you every time.
This is literally the most dangerous thing about Everclear and if you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s well worth mentioning. No matter how many times you’ve had Everclear, you will never be able to control your reaction to it. And you will never drink “the right amount.”
Here’s the truth: you will think you’re not drunk when you start because Everclear gets you drunk faster than you can feel it. So you down a few extra drinks until the buzz kicks in and, at that point, you’re so drunk you’re drinking it straight.