“Chase the Sunrise”
19 Clif Bars. 19 wrappers. 19 semi-aggressive-slash-inspiring statements. I was ready to rank.
Confession: I did not eat 19 Clif Bars. Instead, I harnessed the power of 32 hungry college students and their semi-discerning pallets. Test-tasters were asked to rank the bars on a scale of 1 (disgusting) to 10 (divine culinary experience), and I averaged their rankings to come up with each bar’s score. I also asked each taster for comments on each bar, with some of the best making it below.
19. Nuts & Seeds: 2.6
“It had a weird texture and tasted bland.”
“I love nuts, but this honestly makes me feel like a squirrel.”
You might be better off leaving this bar for the small woodland creatures.
18. Carrot Cake: 3.4
“The taste isn’t awful, but it’s difficult to chew.”
“It’s a muted taste.”
“I love carrot cake. I hate this.”
I recommend you skip the bar and go for the real thing.
17. Apricot: 4.3
“It doesn’t look good.”
“It tastes like an orange air-freshener.”
16. White Chocolate Macadamia Nut: 5.2
“White chocolate, just, no.”
“Um, what’s a macadamia?”
Personally, I was a bit shocked this bar ranked so low, but tasters were unimpressed.
15. Black Cherry Almond: 5.4
“Not too sweet, but still ok.”
“The flavor is a little weak.”
14. Berry Pomegranate Chia: 5.9
“It has a lighter taste.”
“It reminds me of a field of flowers, but it’s refreshing.”
“I taste the pomegranate.”
13. Peanut Toffee Buzz: 6
“I don’t feel the buzz.”
My advice: just pour a cup of coffee, as long as it’s at one of these times.
12. Oatmeal Raisin Walnut: 6.1
“Someone tried to take an oatmeal raisin cookie and turn it into something healthy.”
Tasters took this bar as an assault on the actual cookie. I thought it an acceptable alternative, but the people have spoken.
11. Coconut Chocolate Chip: 6.3
“It’s a little sweet, but not enough to yield a distinctive flavor.”
“I’m a new fan of this bar!”
“The coconut is identifiable, but the chocolate gets lost.”
10. Crunchy Peanut Butter: 6.4
“Tastes kind of one-note, but I still love it.”
“Too. Much. Peanut butter.”
9. Chocolate Chip: 6.7
8. Maple Nut: 6.8
“I can really taste the maple, with a hint of pecan.”
7. Tie between Sierra Trail Mix & Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch: 7
Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch
“It’s good, but it’s not, like, amazing.”
“There’s not much peanut.”
5. Blueberry Crisp: 7.1
“The crisp is a lie, but the blueberry taste is incredible.”
“The juice game is strong.”
“Tastes a little artificial, but the texture is a good mix of crunchy and soft.”
4. Banana Nut Bread: 7.6
“Not as good as my mom’s banana bread, but a delicious substitute nonetheless.”
“Ok, it’s way denser than bread, but I’d eat it all day.”
3. Chocolate Brownie: 7.7
“Is this actually healthy?”
“It’s too much like dessert, but still good.”
“Do you have any ice cream?”
2. Chocolate Almond Fudge: 8.5
“It’s very smooth, savory and delectable.”
“It’s like eating a triple chocolate sundae. But it’s healthy, so it’s not like eating that.”
“It’s like a dessert in Clif Bar form.”
Similar to Chocolate Brownie, tasters loved this bar for its dessert-like taste.
1. Cool Mint Chocolate: 9.4
“My favorite Clif Bar of all-time.”
“Even thought at first it reminded me a little bit of toothpaste, it was basically a giant thin mint.”
“Delicious and filling—a breakfast that tasted like a dessert!”
Looks like the Girl Scouts have some competition.
Next time you’re stuck in the medicine/nutritionalist/vitamin/power bar aisle at the grocery store (or Whole Foods) deliberating over these semi-healthy nuggets, remember the rank, grab your bar and go…
“Embrace the elements.” (Or not).
“Change your altitude.” (Note: this is not Clif Bar encouraging you to go get high).
Or just eat a Clif Bar.
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