So far in the run of this fantastic show, there have been three Thanksgiving episodes: Season 3 episode 5 "An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal," Season 4 episode 5 "Turkey in a Can," and Season 5 episode 6 "Dawn of the Peck."
All fans are familiar with Bob's need for the perfect Thanksgiving, which manifests itself in the perfect speech, the perfect seasoning, and occasionally the perfect crime.
An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal:
As you probably know by now, the store on the left side of the restaurant has a different name in the opening sequence of every episode. In this one, the store is "Colonial Baloney" and it has a sign that reads "Get your Thanksgiving Baloney Now." (I guess that's less of a tip and more of a fun fact.)
We learn in this episode that Bob is obsessed with Thanksgiving. Linda lets the kids know: "Your dad loves thanksgiving it's his favorite holiday." This is because Bob loves cooking and tradition, and Thanksgiving combines the two. Which leads us to tip #1...
1. Make your own traditions.
There is freedom of expression in the Belcher household, and Bob has a little Thanksgiving ritual with each of the kids. "Gene and I always play football, Tina and I break the wishbone, and Louise we use the gibblets to play turkey Crime Scene Investigation: Miami...But everyone's favorite part of the year is my funny toast."
We also hear Linda's Thanksgiving song for the first time in this episode. This is iconic. Words cannot describe. Look it up.
2. Talk to your food.
Bob uses this strategy to comfort himself and feel less alone. He names his turkey Lance.
3. Drink absinthe.
Just kidding, don't. I think we learn from Bob that's a mistake.
If you forget to take out the wish bone you can do "wish skin" instead.
5. Dream big.
Have a Thanksgiving-themed hallucination from the absinthe in tip three (actually still don't do that).
6. Respect your family's traditions.
AKA don't ignore dad's toast. He will be offended and sad.
Menu: red wine. Salad to start. I guess it should include tomatoes cause they catapult them with their forks. Also rolls. They look kind of like clementines but I think they're dinner rolls. (Cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes are implied in Linda's song).
Turkey in a Can:This episode is a dramatic mystery in which Bob tries to discover who keeps putting his turkey in the toilet at night. Truly gripping. (But also don't put a raw turkey in a toilet. Cause that'd be weird.) Bonus: We get a couple new Thanksgiving songs thrown into the mix.
7. Season your bird.
Bob reveals his iconic turkey seasoning called "Father of the Brine," a three- day salt rub. If you need a step by step guide, just watch the opening of this episode and copy Bob as he applies salt, pepper, and olive oil and then rubs it into the turkey. It's basically like watching Food Network. Except not at all.
8. Be honest.
If your kid suggests that you love the turkey more than you love him, an acceptable response is to shout, "That's RIGHT I do! I. Love. Turkeys!"
Inspirational Quote: "You can put a turkey in a toilet, but you can't put ME in a toilet!" - Bob Belche
Dawn of the Peck:
In this thrilling episode, the Belchers decide to go to a Thanksgiving-themed carnival on the pier; complete with rides and the option to participate in the "turkey trot," (a 5k run alongside 500 turkeys). Oh, what fun. Bob stays home and refuses to cook the Thanksgiving meal because his family is neglecting his traditions.When Teddy, the lovable plumber, finds out about this he calls it a tragedy, to which Linda replies, "The real tragedy is that I don't have time to get nachos before we start [the race]." If I ever voluntarily run in a race I plan to say those exact words. Just FYI.
9. Monologues are acceptable.
In a moment of dramatic desperation, have a break-up scene with your turkey baster. A long, inspirational monologue is recommended.
10. Never give up.
After having your standard Thanksgiving-is-cancelled Day-Whiskey, walk to the grocery store to buy supplies to make a Thanksgiving meal. Bonus Points if you bring your baster with you for company.
11. Assert dominance.
In the unlikely event of being attacked by a flock of turkeys, peck everyone around you to assert dominance.
Well, that's the Thanksgiving wisdom you can draw from this show. Have a happy Thanksgiving, and remember, don't let haters who don't believe in Thanksgiving songs get you down.