Spring brings the promise of warm weather, cherry blossoms, and most importantly…formal season. Kidding, but people seem to get pretty geeked up for this time of year. The elaborate weekend getaways consisting of bow ties, long dresses, and chaos. Aside from capturing that perfect “candid” picture with your date, the second most important picture taken is the one of the cooler you previously spent weeks laboring over.
As a tradition, females paint a cooler for their date when asked to attend a fraternity formal. This cooler goes on to be the most important piece of art any frat guy will ever own, and thus becomes filled with their favorite food and beverages for years to come.
I reached out to some JMU students asking for some jpegs of their handy work, and I was not disappointed. Here are some highlights from Madison’s finest (names crudely removed from coolers via Microsft paint by me…)
Weeks of hard work went into creating these, and by now they have served their purpose. So, we decided to put in some work of our own and guess what would be inside each of these masterpieces. Disclaimer, none of these have been confirmed. Only pictures have been graciously donated to the cause.
1. Most “Nauti-cal”
This thing is immaculate. I can picture it filled with all the fixings for a martini and a bunch of cool ranch Doritos.
2. The Frat Daddy
Strictly beer for this ode to pilsner.
3. Patriotically Significant
What liquor would you drink with the Founding Fathers? Fermented grape juice? The 1700’s were wack.
4. “Oh my God I have two days to finish this nonsense”
This one looks like it’s built strictly for Fireball and straight Colt 45.
5. The Southern vs. the NOVA
As advertised, some nice corn liquor would sit pretty in this container.
6. The Irish I Was Italian
Digging the Irish theme. Aside, a cooler this size could probably fit an entire, authentic, boiled dinner. Look out Finnigans.
7. The Shawshank Redemption Scene Where They Drink Beer on the Roof
“Jake says thank you”
8. The Woodstock
The chick who painted this is obviously extremely cool. I like to picture this one filled with artisanal sandwiches and red wine.
9. The Lost Treasure Chest of Jose Cuervo
Photo Courtesy of Becca Seymour
Tequila. Not even in a glass. Just the cooler filled with tequila.
10. The Netflix and Chill
Bourbon for Mr. Underwood.
11. The “If I Met Your Parents Your Mom Would LOVE Me”
12. The “I Vacation in the Outer Banks”
I would fill this one with Corona and hint of lime chips.
13. The Show Me Your Dukes
Filled with strictly American Flag Budweiser cans.
14. The Masterpiece
Once this cooler has its stay in some museum of modern art, it will make a wonderful home for caviar and top shelf liquor.
15. The One Filled With Crab Cakes and Bow Ties
Wine coolers for the boys.
16. The Patagonia
This cooler likes Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.