Election coverage — aka another ad for us to move to Canada — is at an all-time high. Some of us will be actively watching, wondering what the hell happened to our future. Might as well eat yourself sick while you shove snack food in your mouth right? Maybe the sound of your chewing will drown out the sound of my tears.
Here are some snacks that you can binge on as these two go head to head in the coming weeks.
1. Baby Carrots
Just a friendly reminder that Trump's finger size came up at past debates — yay for American elections? Baby carrots are a perfect snack for this election, with their small stature. Even better? They match his skin tone.
2. Candy Canes
We all know about Hillary's health problems (Donald Trump has made them very clear with his ads). She's going to need help getting around. You're going to need help getting through this month.
3. Cotton Candy
To match Donald Trump's hair ... if his hair looked half as good as cotton candy (it never has).
4. Swiss Cheese
For all the holes in Trump's economic policy plans. Or any policy plans for that matter. Maybe they make sense to you, but they sure don't to me.
From Trump Steaks to Trump Vodka to Trump University. Can't forget about Trump's failed business plans, can we? Head over to the Sharper Image and get yourself "the best tasting, most flavorful beef you've ever had" (according to The Donald).
Trump supporters are worried about #TacoTrucksonEveryCorner, so eat up before he builds the wall. They may all disappear if he gets his way.
People are not candy, but apparently it's completely "normal" to compare human lives to a bowl of Skittles. That's the 2016 presidential election for you.
8. Chinese Food
Who knows how many times Trump said the word "CHIIIIIINA" at the first debate. All I know is that I can't hear it said the same way ever again.
9. Maple Syrup
Might as well embrace your Canadian-ness now before you move there in November. Stock up. Make a friend to help with your immigration papers. Seriously — get on that.
...Sorry, this last entry was deleted by Hillary Clinton.
I wish I could say that this election season is a giant prank, but it's not, so eat up. November 8th is going to be...fun?