Embarrassment: we’ve all felt it before. That familiar warmth that starts in your cheeks and slowly crawls over your face until you feel your skin change colour. Then the sweat begins to drip, fat droplets of mortification, suffocating you in horror.
Somehow, we find these moments amusing. Because we weren’t the ones embarrassed. Because someone else’s embarrassment makes us feel a tiny bit better about ourselves.
7 brave souls, all students at Queen’s, have offered their most embarrassing food stories for the sole purpose of entertainment:
1. The Messy One
“I was at the grocery checkout at Metro, and one of my tomato sauce jars fell and broke all over the floor.”
Next time, ditch the jars and make your own tomato sauce.
2. The One Who Drooled
“I was checking out the Copper Penny menu in first year on my computer because I like to plan ahead. My friend opened my door just in time to see a huge glob of drool fall from my mouth. She still brings it up now, three and a half years later.”
Copper Penny’s worthy of your drool, so don’t beat yourself up too much.
3. The Chopstick Master
“I’ve failed many times at eating with chopsticks. One time I went to a Chinese food restaurant and the waiter asked me four times if I wanted a fork because I couldn’t get any of the food in my mouth.”
Practice makes perfect, right?
4. The Doughnut Thief
“A box of powdered doughnuts were in front of me when I was waiting to meet with my TA. Without a thought, I ate them all because they’re my favourite. When the TA showed up, he asked me where his donuts went, and I pretended like I had no idea where they were. My TA stared at me weirdly for a bit and then continued the meeting. As I left the meeting, a friend pointed out to me that I had something on my face. When I wiped it off, white frosting powder was all over my fingers. Lets just say i didn’t do so well in the course.”
All types of doughnuts are irresistible, and I’m positive that if someone left a box of powdered doughnuts in front of me, I’d eat them too.
5. The Awkward Turtle
“I was at a restaurant with some friends, and we were going around the table saying what we loved most about the birthday girl. When it was my turn, I guess I zoned out, and when I opened my mouth, an ice cube fell from my mouth onto the table. My friends talk about it every time we go to a restaurant.”
Like the ice cube that fell from your mouth, the embarrassment will slowly melt away.
6. The Chef
“One time, I lit my kitchen on fire when I was making jam.”
Try an easy, two-ingredient jam recipe to avoid fires. Just remember to turn off the element when you’re done.
7. The Baker
“I accidentally made cookies with one cup of salt instead of one cup of sugar.”
I’m going to stick to cookies that are sweet, not savoury.
8. The Crazy Kingston Squirrels
“I was eating a sandwich and a squirrel jumped out of the garbage can and bit it right out of my hand.”
Kingston’s a pretty great place, but the rabid squirrels threaten the tranquility at Queen’s. You’re lucky that squirrel only stole your sandwich.
9. The Microwave
“Once I tried to cook fish sticks in the microwave without reading the instructions. I put them in for 14 minutes, which was insane. I don’t even know why I didn’t think to put them in for less time. My microwave caught on fire.”
You may have lost those fish sticks, but you’ve won an everlasting memory.