It’s that time of year again: beach body time. As some girls hit the gym and feast on kale and gusts of air for their spring break pool-side bod, guys are forced into a strict regimen of their own. The “dad bod” is a body type that has all of the ladies swooning.
The dad bod has been defined as “a nice balance between a beer gut and working out.” I like to think of it as “I frequent the gym once or twice a week, but I’m really going to get my pump on by getting this keg from the car to my house.”
Don’t be fooled, though — this swoon-worthy body is harder to achieve than it looks. Take everything you knew about superfoods and balanced diets and block it from your memory. For all of the bros out there still trying to reach their dream father figure goals for spring break, here are some simple steps.
1. Cut down on going to the gym (one or two times a week is ideal)
Make sure there are some weeks you don’t even go. It’s all about UNdefining your figure.
2. Netflix and actually chill
Here are some snack ideas to make sure you are getting the most of your binge-watch routine.
3. Restrict/cut down on any outdoor hangouts with friends
The weather is slowly turning to a bearable temperature, which may cause your friends to want to go on bike rides, toss a frisbee, or hike. Don’t let temptation overcome you. Acceptable outdoor activities: grilling (red meat only) and darties.
4. Takeout is now your new best friend
P90X now stands for pizza 90 times.
5. The only green colored food that should be going into your mouth is a Shamrock Shake
Broccoli, spinach, and celery are trigger words. Avoid at all cost.
None of that light stuff, and make sure to wash it down with some (you guessed it) pizza.
7. Constant snacking is key
We’re talking packing food for class, sneaking spoonfuls from your roommate’s peanut butter jar, and completely ignoring serving sizes on your fresh box of Girl Scout cookies.
8. Have a dream physique in mind
Goals include (but are not limited to) Jason Segel, Leo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Vince Vaughn, and Adam DeVine.*
*Please note that these bodies do not come by just eating an extra Big Mac, they take time. You will get there with some hard work, perseverance, and doughnuts.