Boyfriends, like everything in life, have their pros and cons. Different boys may have different lists, but nine times out of ten the pros list of a boyfriend pales in comparison to the pros list of burritos. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.
Guys are flakes, but burritos always show up when you need them
You just finished your last episode of Gossip Girl. It’s an emotional time and you need something to fill to void. You call up your boy, and all you hear is, “but babe, it’s Sunday and there are like ten different football games on. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Tomorrow won’t do you any good. Never again will you be able to imagine yourself ordering Dorota around or pining over Nate Archibald’s, well, everything. Your man may be MIA, but that guac-filled wrap of cheesy goodness can be there in 30 minutes or less. Mexican food over men any day.
Unlike jealous boyfriends, burritos require no commitment
What do you like in your burrito? Chicken or steak? Black beans or pinto beans? Mild salsa, or hot salsa? Maybe all of the above? With burritos, there are no rules and certainly no monogamy. The more the merrier. So pile the toppings on high, because no man can tell you what you can and can’t eat.
Men linger uncomfortably in your bed, but burritos are still enjoyable on the second day
What’s worse than being smothered by a man all night when all you want so desperately is to fall asleep? Answer: when they won’t leave the next morning. As if it isn’t enough for you to be left sleep deprived, they have the nerve to expect entertainment the morning after. I don’t think so.
Burritos, on the other hand, are perfect the next day. They wait for you patiently in the fridge all night. Salsas and sauces seep into your meat of choice making your dish extra flavorful. And, to top it off, there is no mess to clean up. Simply throw away its tin foil wrapping and you are left feeling satisfied.
Unlike the residual dude-odor, fresh burritos always smell delightful
I can’t tell if men choose not to wear deodorant when they go to the gym, or the buildup of testosterone plus sweat just makes for a disgusting odor. Even if they take a shower before coming home, somehow the smell lingers. Savory smells or sweat? The winner is clear.
You can Netflix and Chill with a burrito, no strings attached
Sometime over the last couple of years, asking a girl to hang out and watch TV became a euphemism for hooking up. Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned movie date where you actually watch a movie? Next time you want to watch TV, don’t invite a boy: order a burrito because they have no expectations. Breaking Bad and a burrito in bed. Sounds like an amazing Friday night.
Guys play games, but a burrito will never leave you wanting more
A common belief is that women only want what they can’t have. To make themselves seem unattainable, men will wait days to text you after a date, or their response time during a texting conversation will be well above ten minutes. Burritos play no mind games. They always leave you feeling full and satisfied right from the get-go. Food with integrity or boys with none? I’m sticking to a flavorful meal.
Boys refuse to smile in pictures, burritos photograph well
How many times have you tried to show your friends a picture of that hot guy you met at that frat last night, and then proceeded to say, “I swear he looks better in person”? Happens almost every time, right? That’s because guys have no idea how to take a good picture.
Burritos, conversely, make for epic photos. Not only do you get to show off your bomb lunch, but you also have the opportunity to be featured on Foodstagrams such as #foodporn or even Spoon University (ayyy).
Dudes always hog the blankets, burritos keep you warm
Is bad circulation a common thing among men, or just the ones I know? Feeling cold toes brush up against you may or may not be one of the worst feelings. Contrarily, burritos, insulated by a tight wrapping of tin foil, can keep you warm all night. Hot late night snack vs cold feet? The right choice is obvious.
The fact that we are all risking contracting E.coli for a Chipotle ‘rito means you probably agree with me. Happy eating.