I’m just gonna’ put it out there toot sweet: I grew up without a microwave. Most readers probably consider this super weird, but c’est ce que c’est (is that right?) (2 semesters removed from French, people). And this circumstance has affected — however slightly — my life and decisions. One example, one inequality: COLD PIZZA > HOT PIZZA.
1. You don’t have to wait for the delivery guy/wait for your pie to cook.
Worst part about ordering pizza or making pizza: WAITING. DADDY’S HUNGRY.
2. It doesn’t burn all the skin on your mouth off.
Tired of looking like you’re giving blowies when you’re just trying to eat some zahhhh? (Btw, there’s a natural home remedy to cure your burn.)
3. It seems less fattening.
For some reason cold pizza doesn’t seem as fattening as hot pizza. Maybe cold pizza’s hardened state makes it seem like there isn’t much oil or cheese. (In reality, there’s still an f-ton of oil. It’s all soaked into the bread.)
4. You get the joy of take-out without becoming monetarily depressed.
This point follows the same principle as the one above: there’s still mad cheese and oil, you still payed $12.50 at some point. #illusions #magicofcoldpizza
5. You can fold it without loosing half of the cheese.
Because folding scolding-hot pizza is like trying to fold a sheet. SO FCKING HARD.
6. It’s easy to prepare when you’re drunk (no preparation required).
Save yourself the disgusting meal you’d probably be cooking yourself + the morning-time mess.
7. It’s breakfast.
You can eat warm pizza in the morning if you want to be a freak but EVERYONE KNOWS that cold pizza for bfast is a thing… a good, gooooood thing. And there’s a song about it. And you can make it with eggs.
8. At the end of the day PIZZA is PIZZA.
Just eat it.