It’s that time of the year. Couples are prancing through meadows, the sky seems bluer, the fresh air smells fresher, the sweet chocolate tastes sweeter and oh, wait… Surprise, surprise, we’re single again, and everything I just said is a bunch of bull.
In honor of all my single folks out there, I’ve decided to share a playlist of my favorite Valentine’s Day blues that I’ve compiled over the years – all my very, very single years. This time, I’ve gone ahead and done you all the favor of adding some booze accordingly.
If you happen to be independent, don’t need no S.O., and plan on spending V-day by kicking ass at the bars, then THIS is the playlist for you. Whether you’re rolling deep with your crew or you’re flyin’ solo, the following songs are crucial to a successful, single Valentine’s Day. And if these 8 chart-topping beats aren’t enough for your aching, lonely heart, we’ve hooked up you up a Spotify playlist at the end of this post. #YoureWelcome #ForeverAlone
1. Single Ladies – Beyoncé
Okay…all of you saw this coming, but it would be a sin not to include it. Fill your cup with Pink Panty Dropper Punch (yes, I know) and make ’em wish they had put a ring on it. Let me hear you say, “Put your hands up!”
2. Feeling Myself – Nicki Minaj
You confident, sexy thing, you. You don’t need anyone telling you that you’re beautiful, because you already know it. R.I.P. kill the dance floor and have yo’self a Sex on the Beach.
3. We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus
Psh, it’s your party and you can do what you want. You may not have a Valentine, but you have your friends. Somebody loves ya – well, Miley says so, so it must be true. Go until you see the sunlight with these strawberry filled Jello Shots. Jello + alcohol = the best of both worlds.
So far the playlist has been pretty upbeat, but maybe this Valentine’s Day you’re not quite feelin’ yourself. Perhaps you would rather stop for the night, contrary to Miley’s advice, and muddle in self-pity. We’ve all done it and I’m here to help. Bring out the love ballads, wedding dresses and tissues. It’s on.
4. Don’t You Remember – Adele
Adele, British queen of heartbreak. Every now and then, I like to envision her spiking her Earl Grey when she’s sad, and you should, too. Sit back, toast some crumpets and listen to her break your heart all over again while you get tea-sloshed with this brilliant English cocktail.
5. All By Myself – Celine Dion
Oh, honey. If you’re listening to this, you’re one of the unlucky ones. Usually, I’d say just pop open a bottle of wine and call it a night, but it’s Valentine’s Day and you deserve something special. You might be alone – ahem, with Celine, of course – but a yummy sangria will comfort your soul.
6. Everybody’s Got Somebody But Me – Hunter Hayes
Well, if Hunter Hayes has also caught single-itis, I don’t feel so bad. Right? You could drown your sorrows with a good ol’ Jack & Coke wishing you were being lonely with Hunter Hayes. But, on second thought, you could get fancy with it, add peanuts, make “The Tallulah” and actually be quite content with yourself. Call me anyways, Hunter!
If you’re not happily alone and you’re not missing your ex, then there’s only one option left, you’re out for blood. This Valentine’s Day, you’re just straight up angry. Your ex did you wrong and you’re about to go Taylor Swift on their ass. You’ll need a whole lot of music and even more booze for this mission. Don’t actually smash anyone’s car, please.
7. Gunpowder & Lead – Miranda Lambert
Mrs. Lambert, the other boss bitch that likes to smash things and pull out guns if you get on her bad side. Sometimes, following her lead, “pulling on your walkin’ boots and throwin’ back a 6-pack wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.” However, as mentioned before, it’s Valentine’s Day and you deserve to treat yourself, dammit! Put down your cheap beer and pour up a “Beery Mary.” Note: No one was harmed in the making of this drink.
8. We Are Never Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift
I cannot imagine a better time than hanging with a tipsy T-Swizzle. She’s grown up from crying teardrops on her guitar to having some serious bad blood – with quite a few people. She even went ahead and broke the heart of every Spotify listener when she took her music off the app. She is NOT messing around this Valentine’s Day, and neither are you. Take it up a notch, or two, and dirty up your Shirley.
Enjoy these safely. Hopefully you’ll refer to this list again when the dreaded holiday comes around next year, and the next… Don’t forget: You may be lonely, but we’re lonely together.
Want more drinks/foods to comfort your Valentine-less heart? Check these out: