Rugby? What the hell is rugby?
For those of you who would like a quick rundown, check out Rugby for Dummies. Most of the girls on our team here at Bryant have had no previous experience. While we aren’t world champions, we’re pretty decent, and it’s easy to pick up.
In rugby, you are either a back or a forward. The forwards are usually the girls with more meat on their bones (because we get to dominate the field and take bitches down, duh). Being called fat is never fun, but when your coach calls you a fat forward, all you can do is smile with pride. Becoming a “fat forward” is truly the best thing that could ever happen to you, and here are the reasons why:
1. You gain confidence because you know that you can truck over girls with less effort.
Being called fat can really push your self-esteem right off the edge of a cliff – a really big cliff with a rocky bottom. But as a rugby girl, you feel like a bad bitch. You are one of the girls that the other team is afraid of. When you have the ball, they can’t tackle you. If by some chance they do, it is after 60 seconds of trying to pull you down from any angle possible.
Two years ago, our teammate was running with the ball and a player on the other team looked at her and yelled “OH F*UCK.” She did not even attempt to take her down. She actually ran in the other direction… This type of thing gives you the confidence to call yourself a fat forward.
2. Your breakfast plate doesn’t consist of just eggs, cottage cheese, and fruit.
Burgers for Breakfast?? You got that right! You finally don’t have to worry about plugging your nose as you eat the yolk of an egg because you’re trying to be healthy and keep up your beach body (read: attempted beach body). Summer is over, and it’s officially rugby season once again. Better start carbing up now, right? You can finally indulge in donuts, muffins, waffles, and even the occasional slice of Funfetti. Might as well throw in some cookies for breakfast.
The reality is, when it comes to eating cottage cheese, most of you want to throw up just looking at it. The fact that you can finally enjoy breakfast is one of the best feelings and really gives you that kick start you need to have a good day.
3. You can eat WHATEVER you want during the season (within reason).
Forwards are supposed to be the bigger girls on the team; they are the ones that are ready to tackle the shit out of the girl trying to squeeze though the hole and score a try (read: touchdown). This means that you need to have some muscle and meat on your bones AKA bulk the eff up. So instead of one plate of pasta, you can go for two or maybe three and not feel bad about yourself. You can laugh at your friends who are dressing their salad with oil and vinegar while you’re dipping your fried ravioli into extra marina sauce. This is all in moderation though. We’re not saying you can get away eating a tub of ice cream everyday, but you can sure as hell get away with whatever you’re going to burn off at practice, the gym, or on game day.
There is also endless snack time. Practice really takes a lot of energy out of you. What helps you gain that energy back? Food. We don’t know if your team is anything like ours, but we usually have 2 dinners a night. Late night snacks are for NARPs.
4. You can drink whatever you want.
As most rugby players know, the festivities only really begin to start at the end of a game. This means that it’s time for the drink up. As you cheer over the win or shake off the tough loss (win or loose, we still booze), you never fail to have a beer in your hand – and you don’t even have to feel bad about it. On the rare occasion you go out on the weekend without your teammates, you are surrounded by girls drinking vodka with seltzer to avoid calories. They’re worrying about their calorie count while you’re only worried about if you should buy another pitcher of bud light or slug down another frozen marg. This even relates to non-alcoholic beverages. You can finally stop ordering a water when you go out to eat, and order something more substantial like a chocolate milk. Treat yo self.
5. The hottest thing about our uniforms is looking like a potato.
Not gonna sugar coat this, but as a forward, you pretty much get all of the concussions on the team. With that being said, you get to wear this BEAUTIFUL accessory called a scrum cap. You can all tell us we’re pretty later. But, what is better then looking like a potato? Seriously though, french fries are made out of them and who doesn’t like french fries… We’re basically the human version, so you have to love us.
6. Teams who snack together win tournaments together.
For those of you who played peewee soccer as a kid, you know the best part was running to eat the snacks the parents brought. Sometimes we ate them before the game. Well, this hasn’t changed. Before we leave for a game, we will stop at Dunkin as a team and clog up the line. Most of us get bagels, but for the brave ones, they throw in a sprinkled donut. But, that’s not even the best part. When we have tournaments, we get to eat all day long. Most of us come prepared with oranges and granola bars (nothing that will make us throw up), and some come with pickles so they can drink the juice (it keeps you from being sore).
7. You’re always there to support your teams after an awesome win.
As you can probably tell, that little kid on top, he’s not a forward. Even though he may look small, he was one of the best players on the team that year. No shot he would be able to lift us foodies up though, so that is where we come in. With all of our fuel stored up, we’re able to pick up our teammates to celebrate a big win, which is one of the best feelings in the world. It is like you can conquer anything with these kids by your side.
8. You are truly happy.
In our generation, it seems like appearance is everything. So many girls work to alter their body image so they can fit in. We’re here to tell you that you are ALL beautiful. Both men and women, big and small. The double chin, beautiful (two is always better then one, amirite?). The freckles taking over your face, beautiful. That beauty mark on your cheek, beautiful. Your cellulite, beautiful. Your butt, whether big or small, beautiful (both boys and girls know we love to take a look at a good booty). Rugby has taught us that it is not about what’s on the outside, but it is what’s on the inside that matters. Being a fat forward made us realize that we can eat not only because we will work them off, but because whatever we look like, we can support our team the best we can, and people are going to love us all for the bad bitches we are.