Getting cheated on sucks. There is no graceful way to say it. Someone you love really broke your heart, but food, something I love, will never leave. You think you know a person. I know, I know, "Edmund stop writing articles about that guy who hurt you" because "you were never dating" and "Ryan Gosling wasn't your "boyfriend." But honestly, I believe a lot of people can relate. So here are the seven foods that will help you through this dark time.
Now before you start attacking me saying Harley Quinn isn't drinking tea in this gif, I would just like to say it isn't what you're drinking as much as how you're drinking it. You see that pinky being raised high to the sky? That's class.
It's important to maintain class and graciousness. Keeping yourself on the high road won't last for too long, but it's good to keep it going as long as possible. Tea helps with those sleepless nights or just an anxiety reliever.
On a serious note, when I got cheated on, it was hard for me to sleep some nights, so I would drink of cup of this special tea. It knocked me out cold and gave me some pretty weird dreams, but it was better than staying up sobbing.
2. Mac and Cheese ft. Chopped Hot Dogs
Let's talk about anger for a second. It's a powerful emotion, and sometimes you just have to chop up penis-like foods to remind yourself that you are in control. I know this is a bit morbid, but come on. Imagine: cutting up a hot dog thinking of that bastard and his hot dog.
And then you put it in mac and cheese and BOOM, you feel filled again (just in a different way). Plus, this hot dog is more than double what you're probably used to.
3. The Food You And Your Ex Ate Together
If you and your ex shared a favorite food, then I suggest you go out and share that food with his roommate, his brother, his BFF—you get the drill (as you see, our grace from the tea ended pretty quickly).
But in all seriousness, it's really easy to get upset when you're reminded of that person through the small things, including the food you guys shared. So make new memories with those favorite restaurants or foods. It'll make your healing process so much easier.
Cake will be waiting for you when you decide to eat anything and everything that just tastes good. What better reason to devour a molten chocolate cake than a breakup? Cake is consistently fantastic. Not only does it makes your taste buds feel amazing, but it's generally sweet rather than salty, which is how you've probably been feeling lately.
And here we arrive. Now we've lost our dignity, if we had any left anyway. Let's drink. Wine doesn't have to be your poison, but it might be the best option because it can be enjoyed in so many different ways. Getting drunk is not a great way to avoid your problems, but it'll certainly work for the time being. Hey, maybe you'll get drunk enough that you tell them off or make out with their roommate.
6. Vegetable Soup
Let's get back to the cutting of penis-shaped foods. This is seriously so much fun to do. Chopping away all that frustration you have and all that anger inside of you—it is so freeing.
Now, be careful with this one because some people might think you're a tad crazy. Though you did just get cheated on, so what do people expect? Plus vegetable soup is healthy for you, unlike most of this list. So why not offset the endless cake and wine with some vegetables? And you can work on that body with this healthy treat and make them regret ever leaving.
Hit his meat with a mallet and just keep smashing. Oh gosh, I am so sorry I meant to say that meat not his meat... But seriously, if you haven't done this before you're missing out. Go full Rocky Balboa on that meat and punch it out, you're gonna make some great tasting meat out of the end anyway, something the cheater probably didn't have.
Getting cheated on can impact you differently depending on you as a person. When it happened to me, the best way I healed was through time. But with time comes meals, and with meals comes food, and with food comes happiness.