Coupons. Free samples. Ten for $10.
“Do we really need 10 cups of yogurt?” The answer is a blatant yes.
“Now put down your phone for two seconds and reach in the back for more of the whips.”
Grocery shopping with your parents is always an adventure. There’s more drama, laughter and turmoil in one trip to pick up stuff for dinner than there is in an episode of The Bachelor.
You all know what I’m talking about…so instead of trying to hide it, let’s embrace the embarrassing, but hilarious, moments that occur only when we’re out in public with the ones we love the most. Here are seven of the situations you’re probably all too familiar with.
Picking the produce
We’ve been standing here for 10 minutes, fondling the avocados. She claims hers is superior: ripe, the peak of perfection, holy in its natural state. He claims the one he found is better. She shoots him down. He somehow finds a way to make this about him. Things get heated. Someone raises their voice. People begin to stare.
We’re picking out avocados, not unpacking a life’s worth of problems at a couple’s counseling center. Let’s put both avocados in the cart and walk away before Dr. Phil emerges out of that pile of bananas.
Free samples galore
“Want to taste our new chocolate gelato?” Sure. “Would you like to try some cocktail shrimp?” Why, if you insist!
There’s always that one person in the family who is all for tasting anything free at the grocery store, and will then proceed to get a second, and sometimes third sample. You’re slightly embarrassed as the lady in the hair net silently reprimands your dysfunctional, hungry father, but in the end it’s all worth seeing your dad’s face light up after chomping down on a toothpick with a weenie at the end of it.
The bargain shelf
This is like diving for buried treasure. Fancy mustard that’s about to expire? Marked down to 75 cents? What a deal! A smashed pack of ramen for half price? Toss it in the cart! Pretty soon one minute turns into 10. You look around and realize your parents have raided the grocery store’s entire bargain shelf, and now your cart is filled with dented boxes of all-bran cereal and fiber supplements.
Deals on deals on deals
Whether it’s “four for $12” soda or “ten for $10” cups of yogurt: expect your parents to double it. You never know when a deal like this will come around again (next Saturday) and plus, we eat a lot of yogurt (you have six in the fridge) and my doctor said I need more protein in my diet (and less salt but here we are, standing with a cart full of broken instant ramen packets and tortilla chips.) You decide to drop the matter and let them relish in the “savings.”
Twenty items or less
No one’s going to know we have two extra items. Besides, this will go buy fast. But wait, — “Where is the coupon for deli meat? Did you grab it?”
“It was sitting on the counter. You didn’t tell me to grab it. How am I supposed to know to grab it? I’m not a mind reader.”
Oh great — here we go. Now you’ve done it. Dad storms to the car, maybe it fell in the cracks of the seat. The line starts to accumulate now. Time is ticking and the coupon is nowhere to be found. The grocery store manager approaches the situation and happily offers a discount, but that still doesn’t solve the mystery of the missing coupon.
You awkwardly walk out, bags in hand, silently being judged by customers and employees alike. Young families with organic coconut oil in their baskets whisper among themselves, promising never to end up as dysfunctional as that family is.
Triple-checking the receipt
Add this. Subtract this. Carry the one. “You saved $15.72!” But wait — something’s off. They forgot to scan this additional coupon. Did we get charged twice for this? Oh and we forgot to get our Monopoly stickers for the giveaway. “That’s it — I have to go back in.” You wait in the car, praying for whoever’s soul is at the end of this receipt debacle.
Pick your battles, most of them are indeed, small potatoes, and remember — don’t bite the hand that feeds you — because deep down, you know they’re family and you love ’em… no matter how nuts they make normal, everyday situations.