Whether you’re a freshman living on East Campus returning from a frat on Cleveland, or you’re an upperclassman walking home after a night of drinking at Grotto’s, we’ve all been there. By there, I mean walking down Main Street, drunk af, wishing we could simultaneously chow down on Insomnia Cookies and Jimmy Johns. Here’s a list of what we’ve all *probably* thought while strolling down the most poppin’ street in Newark.
1. Do I look drunk?
2. I feel like I’m holding myself together, but I also just tripped over air.
3. Maybe no one noticed?
4. Wait, those people def noticed.
5. Whatever. They’re prob drunk too.
6. I’ve never felt so hungry in my life.
7. Did I even eat today?
8. Did I eat yesterday?
9. I need food.
10. Do I have money?
11. Maybe someone will buy me 7-11 taquitos.
12. Or do I want pizza?
13. But if I get pizza, do I want Grotto’s or Peace-a-Pizza?
14. The struggle is so real right now.
15. Honestly it’s so hard being me.
16. Okay calm down.
17. Focus on the task ahead.
18. Peace-of-Pizza is so healthy though.
19. Okay getting Grotto’s.
20. Wait, I think I know that person!
21. He’s def in my theater class.
22. Nope. He definitely isn’t in my class.
23. Shake it off. It’s fine. No one saw you just embarrass yourself by frantically flailing your arms around.
24. I’m so close to the pizza, I can close my eyes and imagine myself eating it.
25. Wait, I smell Chipotle.
26. Chipotle definitely isn’t open at 1 am.
27. Does my sense of scent deceive me?
28. Real question: Do I walk all the way down Main Street to see if Chipotle is open?
29. Wait, that person is 100% in my chemistry class!
30. Nope, they definitely weren’t.
31. This keeps happening.
32. How drunk am I?
33. I only had like, 4 shots.
34. And then a beer or two.
35. Or maybe I had 5 shots?
36. Okay Chipotle isn’t open. Awesome.
37. Speaking of Mexican, I’m totally getting El Diablo after I dage tomorrow.
38. I’m so excited now.
39. Wait what outfit am I gonna wear?
40. I can’t wear flannel again. That’s too basic.
41. But honestly flannel never gets old.
42. Can all of my friends stop rushing me? It’s not my fault I can’t decide what to eat.
43. Great, now one of them needs to pee. Classic.
44. Maybe I should just go home and order food.
45. Honestly I don’t even want to spend money.
46. Okay everyone’s yelling at me for being indecisive.
47. Have I been talking out loud this whole time?
48. That’s so embarrassing.
49. Alright I’m getting Jimmy Johns.
50. Let’s be real, you can’t go wrong with the Beach Club.
51. Honestly I could’ve predicted getting Jimmy Johns, like, 3 hours ago.
52. No one is surprised by this.
53. Ugh it smells so good.
54. This was a great decision.
55. I can’t wait to get into bed with this warm, delicious sandwich.
56. Whoever invented sub sandwiches deserves a medal.
57. Wait, what am I saying this isn’t gonna last until I get back to my dorm.
58. If one of my friends asks me for a bite I’m gonna kill them.
59. This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted.
60. So excited to get El Diablo tomorrow.
61. Finally home, and get to start all over again tomorrow.