Everyone’s favorite pug, Doug, is more famous than you could ever hope to be. He lives a lavish life traveling the world and hanging out with hot celebs. Doug says what we all think but are too embarrassed to say aloud. And when it comes to food, Doug couldn’t be more spot on.
1. “Woke up with food in my bed again.”
Doug understands the nights spent in. A date night with your bed, Netflix, and all the food you can eat is the best kind of night. And once you fall into that inevitable food coma, you wake up hours later in the same position to find pretzels in places you didn’t think pretzels could end up.
2. “When u smell someone cooking food downstairs.”
When you’ve spent the entire day in the cave that is your bedroom and then it hits you. That beautiful whiff of whatever is cooking downstairs, and the realization that you don’t have to cook any of it. Your only job is to demolish everything.
3. “I wish tacos knew how much I love them.”
We all have that one food that we would give absolutely anything to have. Those foods deserve to know how much we appreciate them. Our lives would be incomplete without their glorious presence.
4. “That look u give ur food right before u demolish it.”
Alright, loving time is over. We appreciate our foods for moments before we have to mentally prepare ourselves for its demolition.
5. “Woke up thinking about food again.”
The greatest thing about sleeping might just be waking up to the realization that after your long slumber, it’s time for the most bomb meal of the day: breakfast.
6. “Kale would never taste this good.”
When we have a choice between donuts and kale, why on earth would anyone choose a vegetable? We all pretend to be obsessed with kale, but Doug knows that we all secretly hate it. Go for that donut.
7. “I wish u would look at me the way I look at an ice cream cone.”
We all just want to be loved. Doug knows that there is no love greater than that for a massive ice cream cone. We all wish someone would love us just as much.
8. “When u see someone eating food and hope they’ll ask if u want a bite.”
Doug knows that you can’t straight up ask someone for their food, he knows to mind his manners. But he also knows we’re all hoping somehow they’ll read our mind and offer some of their food. Or better yet, that they’ll become too full and give us the rest.
9. “I’ll regret it if I eat it, regret it if I don’t.”
That moment when we face internal decision turmoil. To eat or not to eat, that is the question. We all want that last slice of pizza, but do we really need it?
10. “I think I’m gonna need a bigger coffee.”
Coffee is our fuel. When you’re pulling all nighters, writing countless papers, and still have to go to class everyday, coffee is your best friend. You can’t function without your first cup, and anyone who tries to make conversation with you is risking their lives.
11. “Either u like breakfast for dinner or ur a liar.”
The only meal of the day that matters. As the wise Leslie Knope once said, “Why would anyone ever eat anything besides breakfast food?” Doug gets it. Who says you can only eat breakfast in the morning? Pancakes all day everyday.
12. “My kitchen is a judgement-free zone.”
The kitchen is the only place where you can eat whatever you want and as much as you want. You can make the strangest combinations in the world and no one will ever judge you.
13. “I eat my peanut butter by the spoonful.”
Let’s be honest here, is there really any other way to eat peanut butter? Doug doesn’t think so. This love goes deep and we all know how easy it is to polish off a whole jar.
14. “I told myself I’d go on a run this morning.”
When the internal struggle to eat that last slice of pizza is lost, we try to make ourselves feel better by planning on going for a run the next morning. We all resolve to this, but few follow through with it. Doug understands, you can start running tomorrow.
15. “It’s so beautiful I think I’m gonna cry.”
Have you ever seen a masterpiece as beautiful as a plate of food? Doug doesn’t think so. Not even Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” could compare.
16. “U can have one but the rest are for me.”
Doug knows everyone is eyeing his food silently begging for a bite, so being the nice pug that he is, he will gladly share but no more than one. Don’t even think about asking for more.
17. “Eating healthy is easy.”
Pizza is a vegetable right? Might as well add something green to it to make it appear legit.
18. “If ur wondering what to get me for Christmas I accept large cheese pizzas.”
There is certainly no better gift than a large cheese pizza all to yourself.
19. “Guess I’ll have cookies for breakfast.”
Calories don’t count during the holidays. When there are so many cookies around in countless holiday tins, you can’t just let them go to waste. Be holly and jolly at all hours of the day. Save the vegetables for the New Year.
20. “Breakfast of champions.”
That leftover pizza and fries from last night are totally acceptable for breakfast. Remember, your kitchen is a judgement-free zone.
21. “I can’t wake up on time for work but I’m never late to brunch.”
Doug has his priorities set straight. Brunch first, work second. Always. There’s no better motivation to get up early in the morning than the thought of fresh eggs and sizzling bacon.
22. “Burned my mouth on a pizza roll, still gonna eat the rest.”
Doug feels that it’s important to eat your food as soon as possible. Waiting for it to cool down enough requires more patience than we’re capable of. You may have burned all your taste buds in that first bite, but keep going anyways.
23. “This is gonna go straight to my buns.”
We all know the consequences of eating those hot dogs, but we push off the thought for later. Go on and enjoy every last bite, deal with the regret later.
24. “I’m cute and small but I can still eat more than u.”
Who says small people can’t have stomachs of steel? Doug is smaller than any of us, but that doesn’t mean he can’t eat as much as a pro-football player. Same goes for you.
25. “Only here for the food.”
The best part of any social event is the free food. When there is food that you don’t need to pay for, you will be there devouring everything in your sight (and probably stuffing some in your pockets for later).