Have you ever eaten something so crispy and so satisfying you didn’t know what to do with yourself except stare off into the distance and wonder how you were so lucky to be experiencing this moment?
If you’ve never experienced this, it’s probably because you never became addicted to the potato-y goodness that is the french fry. Below is an inside look at an addict’s thoughts and everyday struggles, just trying to get through the day one french fry at a time.
1. You never want to wake up from your french fry dreams.
In your dreams, you marry him, because any boy that gets you on that french fry molecular level clearly puts your love on top.
2. Then it’s time to get up and you recognize it’s morning so you will opt for hashbrowns… extra crispy.
You still have some level of social decorum. You’ll take your french fries shredded up in a hot, greasy skillet. It’s just as good.
3. You sit in your mid-day class hoping there are still fries available in the dining hall.
They aren’t the best fries, but they are close in proximity and that’s good enough to keep you going.
4. But while you’re sitting there learning, you might as well talk about french fries.
And your professor wants to hurt you because it’s so annoying how you keep relating french fries to every single thing that comes up during discussion.
5. You want to stab places (i.e. the dining hall) that give you potato chips instead of fries.
6. When you see that guy you’ve been eyeing since the beginning of the semester on campus and you try to serve french fry sexy.
He needs to know early on that you and french fries are a packaged deal. Plus, he’ll think you’re all cool and that you don’t count calories. Win-win.
7. When your friends want to go out to dinner you’re prepared with a definitive ranking of the best spots based on french fries.
Also categorized by the crisp factor, the way it was fried, sauces it comes with, and other various details that go into an ultimate french fry experience.
8. And it’s necessary because you know all too well that look your friend gives you when you say, “Oh, there aren’t any fries here…”
So you come prepared. They don’t want another one of your embarrassing rants where you yell out, “You just lost me as a customer. I’m telling everyone I know not to come here.”
9. When you get to the restaurant, your entire order is based on how well it pairs with fries.
Which is not always easy. Spaghetti and french fries aren’t always complimentary. But #noragrets.
10. So then you try to be all healthy and order a salad.
With a nice helping of french fries to help your leafy greens go down easier.
11. You convince yourself a plate of french fries for dinner is part of a well-balanced diet.
Not that you care. It will always and forever be your go-to dinner for when life gets to be too much, which is every day.
12. You’re pretty sure your body has adjusted to an excessive intake of french fries.
Or at least that’s what you tell yourself. It’s not like you’ll be kicking your french fry habit anytime soon.
13. You judge your friends when they choose vegetables instead of fries for their side item.
I mean, duh, everyone would like to be that person who doesn’t get french fries, but to actually, out of your mouth, order the veggies instead? What happened to you?
14. Then that “vegetable as a side” friend reaches over to grab one of your fries as you contemplate hurting them.
We don’t either, Joey. Don’t even look like you’re about to fix your lips to ask for a french fry. The answer is no.
15. Now it’s that time after midnight when you’re out with your friends and they’re all drunk and want pizza.
You’re really contemplating why you’re friends with them because your real friends would want fries. Not pizza.
16. They finally appease you and stop at the drive-thru. But you get upset when there aren’t enough french fries at the bottom of the bag.
You don’t understand what happened. All they had to do was keep dumping the fries. It’s not challenging. It’s not hard. GIVE ME WHAT I WANT.
17. But you quickly get over it once you’re munching on your fries.
You don’t even care that your friends are drunk arguing with each other. You got your french fries so you’re ready for some entertainment.
18. Finally you make it home and you’re all snuggled in bed, but you need your last fix. Then you remember you saved some french fries for later.
Hell yes. No shame in your game. Throw ’em back, yo.
19. As you drift off to sleep, you think about how much easier life would be if you dated french fries instead of dealing with your fry-hating friends.
It would be a beautiful romance where you talk and they listen. Oh, and you get to eat them. There’s that, too.
20. But then you remember all the times you got free french fries out of your friends for pretending to be upset.
It’s great, because they think they’re forgiven and you get more french fries. Fry hack #22. Stick around with us fry addicts and you learn a lot.
21. And it’s totally okay, because whenever they want you to do something, they bribe you with french fries.
They know your friendship runs on french fries not love. That’s just the way it be.
Oh, for the love of french fries. These are just some of the things we french fry addicts have to go through on a day-to-day basis. It’s not easy and it’s not for the faint of heart. Once you’re hooked there is no going back, and you’re totally okay with that. Even if you sound a little crazy sometimes.
Feeling like some french fries now: