Working in the food industry is hard. Bakery work is no exception. You work long hours on your feet. You bake, decorate, package, and sell. You transform mere ideas into massive tangible edible art pieces and come through for every celebration and craving. And you do it all while restraining yourself from tasting one of the cookies on the counter.
Bakers, please take this post as a thank you for your service to the world. Without you, there would be far less cake. Please laugh along and bond over these baker facts of life and relatable moments that I know you all have experienced.
1. There will be shifts where you get to take home ALL of the unsold leftovers.
It's a real balancing act, but it's the ultimate work perk. You will become instantly more popular amongst family and friends (if you choose to share).
2. Someone will call, right at closing, and try to order a four-tiered custom cake for pickup the next morning.
Some people just assume that you have the magical ability to make cakes instantaneously materialize. Take it as a compliment. Then, laugh-cry at how many orders you have to complete.
3. After you tell them that you need at least two weeks notice for custom orders, they will ask to speak to the manager who will pass on the same message.
It's the best way to bond with your boss. I mean, they totally saw you "sample" the icing that one time, "just to make sure it was ok for customers." This puts you back in the good books.
4. Someone will mistake the food colouring stains on your skin for a bizarre watercolour tattoo.
They may also mistake it for a strange rainbow rash. Make a mental note to remind people that you wash your hands often and wear gloves when you work.
5. A customer will ask you "Do you ever get tired of the smell?"
Somehow customers assume that you dislike the things you take pride in making. Crazy right? Nobody could ever be tired of chocolate or bread. Reply and see if they ever get tired of air.
6. You will spend hours making boxes and packaging things.
Your bow- tying skills are so on point, people ask you to wrap their Christmas gifts. Also you could easily live a secret double life as an origami master.
7. While you're handing out a tray of free samples, someone will attempt to dispose of their garbage by placing it on your tray and walking away fast.
Somehow, your tray resembles an open trashcan, even more than the trashcan you are standing next to, and gesturing towards. In the worst case scenario, someone might try to spit their gum out onto your sample tray. Fight back with an intense eye-roll.
8. After a customer asks for ONE sample, they will look you right in the eyes as they eat FIVE, slowly.
Dominance will be asserted. It will be awkward. If they win the staring contest, they will continue to regularly visit your shop and repeat this process. If you win, they will leave ashamed and control of the universe will be restored.
9. You will peek into the oven to check on some cookies and it will be like looking directly into the sun's core.
It is a creative method of getting that super flushed blush look. Also, you might even get curling-iron-esque burns on your forearms from opening up the doors. Maybe apply sunscreen before your shift?
10. You will watch a customer smell, poke, and pick off a piece of the coffee cake on the display case, before they go back to casually browsing.
You scratch and sniff it, you buy it? Look with your eyes not with your mouth? Do any of these rules apply to anyone anymore? Try to point these people in the direction of the free samples that you put out.
11. You'll totally know whats up in the dessert round of every cooking show. You will critique every moment and wish you were one of the judges.
They' re using a whisk for THAT?! This is hypocrisy! You'll even begin to envision yourself as one of the competitors while on the job. You'll be icing some cupcakes at work and suddenly feel like you have to create a gourmet dessert out of only lemon peels and cereal in under 15 minutes.
12. A customer will attempt to order a cake with a built-in water fountain and functional robotic arm and you will have to remind them that you do not, in fact, work for Cake Boss.
You are not an engineer, nor are you a wizard. Hopefully, after explaining this, the client will give you a less complex order instead of taking their business to Santa's Workshop.
13. A customer will enter the shop, look you up and down, and say "Woah, if I worked here, I'd weigh 400 pounds. How're you not fat?"
This one sucks. Nobody should judge your body or your eating habits. Also, this job has taught you portion control AND you spend your whole shift working on your feet. If anything, you are healthier than when you started working there.
To all my bakers, decorators, (and candlestick-makers?) and front staff working the cash, I hope you have been able to giggle, cringe, and roll your eyes in unison at these moments.
To everyone else, the next time you visit a bakery, — perhaps you are picking out a Valentine's Day treat for your significant other or you believe that staring at freshly baked sugar cookies is an hour well spent — remember what the people behind the counter have to deal with every day. Also remember that if you are nice to them, they might give you a free sample.