With the semester almost over, I think it’s a good idea to take a little bit of time to reflect. If you’re anything like most students, your grades and dignity have taken a bit of a blow. It doesn’t help that your bank account can no longer sustain your (mild) Chipotle addiction, either.
No worries, though, we can always fall back on the people that have to love us no matter what. If they don’t immediately feel sorry for your goldfish-based diet and send you care packages, here are some ways to trick the ‘rents into sending you some treats.
Remind them that if they send you food now, you can save money and be able to live on your own after graduation.
Keep bringing up their biggest nightmare, it will scare them into sending you snacks.
Tell them that you’re gonna get salmonella if you keep trying to cook eggs in the microwave.
It’s not your fault they didn’t teach you how to cook properly.
Say that you’re so busy studying for exams that you have no time to visit the dining hall.
You need snacks to pack for the library so you can keep up that GPA. They need something solid to brag about during Thanksgiving dinner to your Aunt Carol.
Spam them with the endless amount of diseases that you could possibly get from malnutrition, according to WebMD.
Just because you’re not a pirate doesn’t mean you can’t get scurvy.
Tell them you’re saving your money to study abroad next semester.
It’s just so honorable of you to be saving them money during your semester abroad. They just have to pay it up now so you can afford to save. Australia isn’t cheap, ya know.
Remind them that it’s bulking season.
Your parents should want to see you working to get your fitness up, shouldn’t they? Can’t form muscle if you aren’t eating (and by forming muscle, I mean gaining fat and continuing to binge watch Netflix in bed).
Complain about how your roomie stole your food and won’t own up to it.
It doesn’t matter that this is just an elaborate scheme you and your roommates made up in order to be sent more food. What your parents don’t know won’t hurt ’em.
Make them feel bad that they just visited your brother at college and not you.
Equality, amiright? Fight for your rights, man.
Explain that sometimes, life just gives you lemons.
Or it doesn’t. And in that case, your parents have to. And by lemons, I mean food. Lots and lots of food.
Just start crying.
Because when all else fails, waterworks will always find their way to your mom’s heart. It’s just about time for our mid semester break down anyways, right?