Story time: One fateful night my friend drove her brother to Taco Bell. She pulled forward so he could order (as any good designated driver would do). Instead of ordering a few tacos or a couple burritos, he slurred something truly unforgettable: “Can I get everything on the left side of the menu?” She ended up ordering for him.
After hearing this equally hilarious and ridiculous story, I realized something very important . . .
In your intoxicated state, it’s pretty difficult to figure out fast food. Where do you go? How do you get there? Why is the menu so hard to read?
Oh late night drunchies, how you are one of the most loved and most challenging meals to manage. But have no fear lovely readers, because here are 16 tips to make your life way easier:
1. Dollar menus are supplementary items. Always start you’re order with your favorite combo meal.
2. Go with your first instinct or you’ll regret it. Satisfying you’re drunchies is not the time to be adventurous.
3. Have someone else drive because a) Don’t drink and drive b) They can translate your drunken mumblings.
4. Über will take you to your favorite fast food establishment in case all your friends are also inebriated.
5. If you drank tequila, go to Taco Bell. They even deliver now, which is really dangerous when you’re hammered.
6. If you drank vodka, go to Sonic. (Slushes + vodka= a great mixed drink if you want to keep the night going). Or go to Whataburger. A Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit is the perfect snack to sop up those bad decisions.
7. If you drank beer, go to Canes. Fried chicken and Beer? Yes please. Other great options include In-N-Out and the classic McDonald’s.
8. If you’re wine drunk, you aren’t going anywhere…Order a pizza.
9. Be careful when using a credit card. You’ll end up spending way more money. It is way easier to swipe a card without you even realizing how much you spent. Try using cash.
10. Don’t be too stingy though. It’s so sad when you don’t have enough food and not really worth the embarrassing trip back. It’s fast food, not a 5 star restaurant, so it won’t be too expensive.
11. Don’t separate the orders between your friends. That’s way too confusing for you and the cashier. You can deal with the math after you recovered from your hangover. Or, have them cover the next trip. You will be drunk another time.
12. Try to wait to eat it until you get home. You will spill. Trust me.
13. Don’t forget to ask for extra sauce. Nothing is more disappointing then trying to get that last drop of ketchup or hot sauce from the small package. If you’re at Cane’s you can actually substitute something for extra sauce (I recommend cutting the slaw).
14. This may be a personal preference, but avoid dairy. Save the McFlurry, the milkshake, or the ice cream for the next day. Dairy and alcohol is not a fun mix.
15. Most places don’t charge for water so do not forget to get one. Definitely get a soda if you want, but this will help you with your hangover.
16. This won’t be something you can do forever. Enjoy it while it lasts.
These tips are tried and true. So if you are a little wary, just give them a shot. You won’t be disappointed.
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