I'm 21 years old. I've never been in a car accident. I've never been stung by a bee. I've never had the chicken pox.
I've lived 21 years without having to deal with any of these hardships. Yet for some reason the other night I spilled a pot containing a compilation of oil, butter, lemon juice and white wine on my foot. It was fresh off the stove, so yes, it was very hot.
I was cooking a delicious shrimp scampi and pasta medley, kinda like this one. When the food was ready, I pivoted a little too quickly as I started walking over to the sink to pour it into the strainer. I then proceeded to trip and spill all the liquid on my poor little size seven left foot.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I'd been drinking. Most people go for the more conventional microwavable drunk eats. But no, I had to be an overachiever and make a fancy dish and a side on my kitchen stove.
I somehow was able to keep the shrimp and pasta in the pot corruption free, though. Even though I was sobbing on the phone with one of my friends due to the pain, I was still able to eat my second dinner. Through the sobs I sat at my kitchen table and inhaled it. Fun fact: second degree burns are the most painful kind because third degree burns tend to damage the nerves.
Anyway, who does that? Who manages to dodge all of the childhood obstacles that are actually practical and then spills a boiling cooking mixture on themselves? I mean, I'm totally fine. It's just on my foot and it's almost totally healed but it's already left a nasty scar. Oh well.
Kitchen battle wounds are no laughing matter - sometimes they can be (as long as no one gets hurt). Since they are super real and more common than you may think, I have devised a handy dandy guide for how to not maim yourself while you're cookin' the goods in your kitchen.
1. Don't cook while under the influence.
This was perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever done, and I've done some pretty stupid shit in my day. Don't ask me why I thought it was a good idea to do that because I couldn't tell you. Maybe because I was hungry again and I wasn't gonna let alcohol get in the way of eating my second dinner. Next time I will, though. I wish I had that much ambition in my day to day life.
2. Don't cook late at night.
Just nothin' too fancy. Even if you're not drunk, you're probably tired and that will definitely hinder your ability to focus. Ergo, creating a more dangerous environment in your kitchen to cook in.
3. Where shoes while you cook.
This applies whenever you're making anything that requires heat. Make sure they have a good sole grip and are closed-toed (so don't wear stilettos). My freak accident definitely would've still hurt if I had been wearing shoes but I doubt I'd have a scar the size of a Sacajawea coin on the top of my foot. I thought about including a photo of my battle wound but I decided to spare y'all the goosebumps. You're welcome.
4. Watch this video on how to properly use all kinds of kitchen knives.
Burns aren't the only kind of kitchen related injury you can experience. It's crucial to know how to use knives in the kitchen. You can really hurt yourself with just a single slip of your thumb! Did you know there are more kitchen knife related injuries than there are shark attacks each year? Crazy, I know.
5. Make sure the floors are clean.
They should be dry, too. I think I may have tripped or slipped on a piece of uncooked pasta that escaped the pot before I attempted to strain it. I also find that dirt from the bottom of your shoes can make the floors slippery. No bueno. Sweep, Swiffer and allow the floor to dry.
6. Lock your pets out of your kitchen.
While our pets always make the best company, they usually situate themselves in the least convenient spot. My dog loves to curl up right behind me while I'm cooking on the stove. If I had a dollar for every time I've tripped over her and almost hurt both of us, I'd be very rich. Do yourselves a favor and save bonding time with your pets for after your meal.
Some of these tips are pretty elementary and you probably thought of them before reading this article. Sometimes you need a reminder (like I could've used before my kitchen mistake). It's never a bad thing to refresh your memory of safety practices!