Curly hair is an incredible struggle. From the simple teases you get in high school about having "sex hair" all the time to being viewed as less professional. It even translates into the dating world, the whole seeming less "natural" and "approachable" with curly hair. With 23 years of curly hair behind me, I've heard them all.
And if you ever complain about having curly hair because of all the effort it takes to maintain it people say you should be thankful your hair does that naturally. But, oh my god. I did not wake up like this. Seriously, I have so many issues when it comes to my curls.
It's so much effort.
1. Humidity is the devil. I once stepped out into Charleston's summer humidity and asked if I was in hell.
2. Your hair will never look the same twice. Those ringlets and curls you like so much today? They won't be there tomorrow.
3. The various opinions on how to wash your hair are confusing. Seriously. Co-washing, shampoo once a week, a few times a day? Make up your damn minds.
4. You don't let anyone know how you wash your hair. They would be seriously grossed out.
5. It took you over 10 years to learn how to style it. Your mom couldn't teach you how to at all.
6. Straightening your hair is a great effort. It takes hours and if there's any chance of rain in the next 2 days you don't even think of picking up that straightener.
7. Your natural hair on a good day looks like every pre-makeover hairstyle in movies. Thanks Hollywood.
8. Everyone wants to touch your hair. #HealthierTip: Don't. You'll live longer.
9. You went through a bangs period. We don't talk about that.
10. The mixed feelings you have when people compliment your straightened hair. You'll say "Thanks!" but you're having an identity crisis inside from that backhanded compliment.
11. It gets everywhere. Your freshman year roommate found curly hair on her half of the room even if you didn't go there (at least mine did). You'd never be able to commit a crime.
12. You refuse to fall asleep with wet hair. There's always the chance your hair will dry sticking up and defy gravity.
13. You don't own a brush. The only thing you own is a comb, which is used on your hair solely during the conditioning process.
14. "Your hair is so poofy!" At least the other backhanded compliment had more tact. Yeah, my hair has volume, it's how curls work.
15. Short hair generally doesn't look good. Unless you feel like going full flapper. But that hasn't stopped you from trying it.
16. You spend a fortune on products and they last at most 2 months. A dime-sized amount of conditioner? Do you even know who your market is? I have to use at least a quarter and my hair just hits my shoulders at this point.
17. You have a grand total of 5 hairstyle options. 90% of those hair tutorials has us out by step 1: brush it. Hahahaha no. Please reference number 13.
18. Frizz. Someone running their fingers through your hair isn't sexy. It's horrifying. Plus you always have this little halo of frizz in pictures.
19. Your hair isn't controlled unless it has at least four products in it. Two of them cost more than an entire week of meals.
20. You'll show up places with wet hair on the regular. Seriously, no one has time to wait like four to six hours for their hair to dry if they can't find the diffuser.
21. Sulfate-free or regular shampoo? I bet the majority of people don't even know what sulfate-free shampoo is.
22. You always have a hair tie on your wrist. The tiniest humidity change or a strong gust of wind could easily make your hair look like it doesn't belong on a human.
23. Snapping hair ties with the force from your curls is normal. That's why you always have a backup on your wrist or in your purse.
24. The mention of updos is a joke. Your hair can barely do a "messy bun" let alone anything more complex.
25. "Travel size conditioner." Ha. You mean one-time use right?
26. Bobby pins get lost. If you do put them in you'll find one five days and three showers after the last time you remember having bobby pins in your hair.
27. You have abandonment issues from your hairdresser moving out of the city. And you legitimately debated if you should ever cut your hair again or to follow them.
Only 11% of women have curly hair, which is surprising since the curly-hair gene is dominant (90% likely to show curls) and all that. But, we do get swiped right on Tinder slightly more, so it's all totally worth it, right? Nope. It's not worth the anxiety of being different, the nicknames, and the extra expense you have to pay for your hair not to look like a rat's nest.