Denny’s is lovingly known by all drunks as the place where one may go and eat 12 pancakes at 3 am without fear of judgment. But what happens when your public relations team is as drunk as your customers? You make a solid connection with one target audience, while confusing and/or infuriating all the others.

Maybe this is a good business move. Maybe it’s not. Either way, it’s definitely entertaining.

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This first example is pretty mild. Nothing too out of the ordinary here. A little bit of humor can make a company seem more relatable. Good job, Denny’s. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. I was nice and decided to ease you into the insanity gently, but now you’re on your own. Here’s where it gets weird.

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Chicken nuggets are a child’s safe place, something they can order when everything else on the menu looks scary. These days, it seems like everything you see on social media is hyper-sexualized, but this gives “tender loving” a whole new meaning. Can’t we have one thing remain pure and innocent? Think of the children, Denny’s. Think of the children.

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I can just imagine the marketing team having board meeting for this one. “Hey, what do you guys think will boost our sales? Commercials? Offering new specials? No, I got it. Unsettling photoshop puns. That’ll work.”

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Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

What is wrong indeed. This is something I’d expect from Waffle House maybe, but I like to think Denny’s has at least a little bit more tact. Despite the temptation of a syrupy waffle bath, I find the idea of Denny’s deleting their tumblr to be more soothing.

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Some may call this art, but the same can be said of the creation of Frankenstein. Perhaps Denny’s would be better to focus their time and energy on the art of food and not on drawings of faceless men carrying women off to God knows where.

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If you thought Denny’s was getting creepy before, just hope that they don’t decide to send you a personal message. Actually, I’m a little scared myself now. If Denny’s sees this article, are they going to come to my house to have a chat?

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Don’t get me wrong. I love food puns as much as the next person, but it sounds to me like bread isn’t the only thing getting baked at Denny’s.

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This photo right here is the sole reason I am considering not allowing my future children to go to Denny’s until they are at least 21 years old. They’re going to be weird already just because they’ll have to learn how to live with me as a mom. No reason to make their lives any harder.

By now, it should be common sense that Denny’s tumblr is not a thing to be messed with. It’s better for us all if we treat their posts as we would texts from our exes; just ignore them and hope they go away. Sadly, the Internet is not a perfect place, and there will always be those who attempt to interact with the Denny’s tumblr manager, just to watch the world burn.

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Why one would want the manager of the Denny’s tumblr – whom we’ve already shown to be quite insane – to follow them is beyond me. I’m praying for your safety, anotherteenageloser.

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Another example of why interacting with the Denny’s tumblr is a bad move. The average person just can’t handle this level of nonsense.

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We’ve already discussed the dangers of simply talking to the Denny’s tumblr. Apparently, some people need everything to be spelled out for them. This is straight-up making deals with the devil.

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Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

Finally, Denny’s is making some sense. But oh, my dear readers, don’t take this as a sign that all is well. The breakfast beast is far from vanquished. Rather, it has evolved.

The attacks of nonsensical musings may be over, but we now have a much more serious issue on our hands. The Denny’s tumblr has *gasp* become self-aware.

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Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

The scary part about this image actually isn’t Denny’s response. It’s the thought that the person driving next to me may be the kind of lunatic that follows such a dangerous tumblr that keeps me up at night.

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Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

Nice alibi, Denny’s. But we know what you’re really up to.

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Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

If this photo is supposed to make me feel sympathy for Denny’s tumblr, I’m not falling for it. You think this is a game? Nobody’s having a good time here but you, Denny’s. Stop playing with our minds.

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